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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Love if you can, marry if you must

If you are reading this post to find out what choice to make when thinking of something like marriage, i will say have you gone nuts ?? It's your life and why would i suggest you between love or arranged marriage. I agree that i am an obnoxious guy and derive pleasure in laughing at people when they make wrong choices. Take what ever route you wish to, married life is a circus and  there are only two people on stage and the rest of the world is always an audience. Damned if you marry and damn it if you don't. The method to madness is for you to decide.

If you are of  marriageable age, ask your circle of friends or your ill wishers, they all will make suggestions depending on their perspective and real or pseudo experiences. The set of people will be divided between single and married, gay and lesbians , married in love and married by arrangement. With this diverse bunch of jokers by your side do you expect a solution so overarching that you will make a decision?? It's not like choosing between Maths and Biology after higher secondary. It's between LOVE Marriage and ARRANGED Marriage !! So here is my take on these two routes that  people supposedly take, with a dream of a blissful life ahead .

Love Marriage - To marry in love you have to be first worthy of being loved by a person of your special attention and love interest. Now seeing the skewed ratio of " lovable females" in our schools , colleges and workplace the fight becomes even more tougher. You can pass any goddamn test in the country and get yourself selected but in this test you more than often remain the 'most eligible one'. Mind you !! This tag rarely gets converted to ' You are the only one'. Neither maths nor any statistics favour any ordinary guy in love . It is sad but true, gals always fall in love with the wrong guy and the rest of the miserable guys are too good to be chosen. These losers are fit to be a friend , best pal , man of the crisis , rakhi brothers and /or any tag that makes them useful and helpful.Your friends consider you an idiot and know you are an useless pig still you hold some repute in their eyes if you have a gal in love with you. I am not here to explain how love happens and all ,but to assume that some one has got lucky and now we are moving on the next stage of this hunky dory affair.

Now its couple of years and you have been successfully in love and you both decide to marry.

What next ??

Marrying someone you have chosen by yourself has its own merits and demerits. You can know about each others likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses  but of course not, things like how badly one snores, how infrequently you bathe and what a mess you keep your room in. After all an affair is only successful till the point you keep the other person impressed . The moment you allow your partner to get disillusioned,you allow him or her to drift for more greener pastures. Interestingly in a love marriage the expectation that everything will be 'rosy and chocolaty' takes longer to go !!

Love marriages still don't find wider acceptance in our Indian society because of many outstanding reasons. They could range from unrelenting parents , opposing relatives, jealous lovers or moral policing of  'Khap Panchayats' . Marry in love only if you have no enemies left  or else keep the flame burning in your hearts for life !!

The choice between love marriage and arranged marriage
The choice between love marriage and arranged marriage

Arranged Marriage - Carrying forward the story of the good guys and good gals and their arrangement to get married . This herd of 'untalented' crowd believes in  the institution of Arranged Marriage (AM)" . It's my personal thought that many use this alibi because they are 'good for nothing' people and think its their parents responsibility to get them married even if they have crooked nose, sagging waistlines and featureless faces. The basic premise that everyone will get married someday is filled with more of pessimism rather than a prophecy. I am not discounting the really good matches that emerge out of this standard practice but more or less AM comes with an asterisk ***.

***Conditions Apply  - Please expect surprises , shocks and  imperfections that you never ever agreed to or had to live up with. This is arranged marriage bro !! If  you are feeling suffocated after this irreversible act speak to your parents and learn from them 'Make it work' model.

It's like a Pandora's box and you really don't know what's coming next. The list of surprises can range from anything like a long and intolerable family of your spouse, interfering family members, archaic and intellectually challenging customs, never ending responsibilities and what not.  If i would be asked, an arranged marriage is for those who have lots have patience to hear and bear, maturity to forget and forgive  , understanding to love and be loved. 

Consider me a loser who could not get marry in love or the one among the few whose match was fixed by their parents i have been happily married and it was an arranged marriage.My last 2 cents –Marriage has benefits like improved social life, stable personal life, better earnings, and higher levels of physical & psychological health but only if it turns out to be a good decision. Look at it with lots of optimism and even be prepared for the worst. Love or arranged is just a stepping stone to the 'glorious days' ahead!!

Before i wind up few famous quotes that i found interesting-

“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.” - Socrates

“Marriage is the perfection of what love aimed at, ignorant of what it sought.”-  Emerson

“All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.”- Lord Byron

This post is for the the contest " love marriage or arranged marriage" on Indiblogger.

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AmitAag said...

"Marriage is a rocket science"!
Nice work indeed!
All the best Sheel!

Viveksheel said...

Thanks Amit for taking out time to read my post. Do drop me a link to your post as well !!

Bikramjit said...

I dont understand how love - arranged shud be different the end result or the last word attached to both is MARRIAGE..

so they shud end up same


Viveksheel said...

Hi Bikram......As i wrote the method to madness is different, the end result is always the same :)Love or arranged the stars will decide !!